This upcoming Monday marks one year since we met Brayden face to face, one year that we've officially been parents. People always tell you that time goes by so fast, that they grow up in a blink, and it really is true. As much as I love every stage that Brayden has come across so far, there have been countless times I have wished for a pause button. The last year has been, for me, the most sanctifying year of my life, but with that, the most richly blessed. I have experienced the sustaining grace of God in real and tangible ways every single day, and have been blessed with seeing His love and His faithfulness continually.
As sit and reflect on the last year, looking through photos of my sweet baby "growing up", and remembering the hard times and the ones filled with pure joy, I am humbled by the goodness of our great God. He truly gives His children far more than we deserve. The fact that He allows us to parent, that He would entrust to us these little lives, is a pure gift. Psalm 127:3 says, "Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward."
In the last 12 months I've learned a lot, about the Lord, about myself, about my marriage, about being a wife and a mother...here are just a few
Wholly Dependent
We are, whether we realize it or not, wholly dependent upon the Lord for ALL things. Psalm 37:5 says, "Depend on the Lord; trust him, and he will take care of you." Sleep deprivation, the unknowns of parenting, working through solutions with your husband, and trusting Him through a new pregnancy again...these 12 months have given me a new realization, daily, of my total dependence on Him for ALL things.
Be ALL There
I am a planner, a think-aheader (yes, I know that isn't a word). And because of this, I tend to fail to "stop and smell the roses". Having a child has taught me to slow down, way down, to realize that it is okay if the laundry doesn't get done that very moment, if I don't get ready when I want to get ready, or if eating lunch takes an extra ten minutes because someone wants to learn to feed themselves. Ephesians 5 reminds us to "make the best use of our time"...sometimes this is to just enjoy your children, and the moment.
You Learn Something New Everyday
Children aren't robots (my husband graciously reminds me of this often), and because of that, schedules aren't always going to work, days aren't going to be the same, and sometimes you might not be able to figure out just what is causing that upset little pout. The Lord desires teachable hearts, and this is an area I am growing in. Pride easily steps in to make me believe that I know it all, or I can fix every solution, but the reality is, I am learning, and going to be learning until the day I go home and am made like Christ. I will never master the ability to be the "perfect" Christian, wife, mother, daughter, and friend...and that shouldn't even be my goal. Instead I should be striving to learn more of Him each day through every moment, and seek to be used to glorify Him, which often means, being at a loss for what to do in a moment and having to get on my knees and pray, and trust that He is in control.
God, Husband, Children
This is a tough one. Finding time to have with the Lord, especially in those first few months, is tough. But the truth is, if I don't keep my priorities aligned, everything else gets messed up. I can't be a good mother, if I am not a good wife, and most importantly a faithful lover of Jesus. I am learning how to balance it all, and His grace has carried me through. I am finding myself reminded that there is no formula, or list that you have to check-off each day in order to get a star for "Excellent Believer", "Great Wife", or "Good Mommy", but rather a willing happy heart, diligent effort, and grace upon grace.
Don't Compare
Every kid is different, every mom is different, every marriage is different...don't compare. It was so hard for me in the early months of this year not to wonder what I was doing wrong when Brayden didn't do what so and so's kid did at such and such an age. But the Lord used this to teach me a vital lesson in Truth, your child was made to sanctify YOU, and through that to bring Him glory. Therefore, start trusting Him, and stop comparing. I may not be the pinterest or diy queen, make gourmet meals every night, or have time to clean like I would like every day, but my heart must be focused on the eternal, what will matter in the end? What precious God moments might I miss when I focus on what is fleeting? I am called to be Vanessa, the woman God made me to be, to bring Him the most glory in what He has called me to do...that is all, stop comparing.
The last 12 months have been amazing, I am so thankful, and I know the next 12 will be filled with more sanctification, joy and grace. I am excited to continue to watch the Lord work, and pray He would continue to grow me into the woman that pleases Him!
