To my sweet babies...all three of you,
The past six weeks have been an interesting transition for all of us. Each of you, in your own unique way, has learned something new and grown in a way that makes this mommy proud. If I could freeze time and enjoy each of you individually at every moment of every day, I would, but that just isn't a reality. But in all honesty, I think that is a GOOD thing, because through all of these challenging seasons and moments, there is growth taking place, in all of us.
Mommy guilt is real, and I often experience it when I think about what you or I might be "missing" out on. But the Lord is gracious to remind me often that there is nothing "missing" in this equation, but rather that He purposefully planned that our family would have three kiddos, in three years, and it is for all of our GOOD.
Brayden, my oldest little man, you have grown up a lot in the last six weeks (although you remind me often that you are still little), and I am so proud of you. I have seen you take on your role as "big" brother in a new way, and really "get" what it means to be a big brother to both your sister and brother. You have been such a help to mommy, and I am so grateful for your life, and that I get to call you mine. Sometimes I look at you and remember that just three years ago, you were the baby I cradled in my arms, and rocked to sleep every night, and here you are, a big three year old. Sometimes I forget you are just 3 though, and expect too much from you, and for that I am sorry. Mommy is still learning how to manage three little kids 3 and under, and often times, you darling, are the one who gets the short end of the stick. You still crave mommy's cuddles and affection and I adore every snuggle I get to share with you knowing that sooner rather than later you won't fit in my lap anymore. You are learning so much right now, about the world around you, and about yourself, and mommy is trying to point you to Jesus as often as I can. Your soft heart is evident in your response to life situations and I am thankful for that about you, and prayerful and hopeful that the Lord will redeem it for His good. You are doing great with this transition, after all, this isn't your first rodeo ;), second time around and you've got the hang of it. I'm sorry I am missing some moments with you as I tend to your baby brother and sister, please know I wish I wasn't. I love you more than you will ever know, you will always be my first, sweet little baby, holding such a special place in my heart.
Brooklyn, my sweet little girl, this transition has been the hardest on you, and mommy knows it. You went from being the baby to having to grow up overnight, or so it seemed to you (and to me). Although you put on a tough act most of the time thanks to your independent personality, I see it in your eyes sometimes, that you struggle, and it is okay, mommy does too. I miss being able to tend to you immediately when you need something, or to just hold you and cuddle you for extended periods of time whenever you wanted to snuggle "just because". I am sorry that sometimes I can't fix your boo boo right away, or play with you when you ask every time since mommy has to tend to baby brother. I wish I had more arms, more time...but I hope and pray that through all of this, you are learning how much we all need Jesus (and I think you are). I am prayerful and hopeful that he is working in your heart, even now at this young age, to draw you to Himself. I can't believe that you are almost two, and a part of my heart aches when I think about how big you are getting, and know that I am "missing" moments I wish I wasn't. But at the same time, I know that all of this is a good good thing, and I am seeing fruit from it, in your life and mine. And I am thankful I still get to hear you say "mommy I want you" and rock you before bed and naps every day, those are some of my most favorite moments. You are such a joy to me precious girl, I am so grateful I have a daughter, and that it is YOU. I love you fiercely.
Brandt, my littlest love, oh how I adore you. You are just so sweet, so cuddly, so precious in EVERY single way...I just want to eat you up. You too have been such a trooper coming into this family as the third baby, and being patient with mommy as she helps your older siblings. I feel sad, and guilty sometimes knowing that I haven't been able to hold you as much as I would like to, or to devote the attention I would want to, to JUST YOU. But then again, I am reminded that the Lord planned for you to be our third, and that you get things the other two didn't get, like a big brother and sister who adore you and entertain you...most of the time ;). And I pray that he will use the patience you will have to develop as our third, as a tool to see how much you need Him and to bring you to Him one day. You are growing so fast, and as exciting as that is, to watch you develop and change, there is a part of this mommy's heart that is sad, that is already missing the tiny newborness that was you just six short weeks ago. But I am loving seeing your little personality start to develop. I love everything about you sweet boy, and please know that even though I can't hold you all day, or spend hours just gazing into your blue eyes and smiley face, that you are treasured, and cherished more than you will ever know.
I know I will look back one day, on this crazy season of life, and smile, and miss even the chaos of it all. I know that in the blink of an eye you littles won't be so little anymore, someone please freeze time. So I pray that I will cherish every moment I get with each of you, individually and as my trio, and that you will know that I'll love you forever, I'll love you for always, forever and always my babies you'll be.
Brooklyn, my sweet little girl, this transition has been the hardest on you, and mommy knows it. You went from being the baby to having to grow up overnight, or so it seemed to you (and to me). Although you put on a tough act most of the time thanks to your independent personality, I see it in your eyes sometimes, that you struggle, and it is okay, mommy does too. I miss being able to tend to you immediately when you need something, or to just hold you and cuddle you for extended periods of time whenever you wanted to snuggle "just because". I am sorry that sometimes I can't fix your boo boo right away, or play with you when you ask every time since mommy has to tend to baby brother. I wish I had more arms, more time...but I hope and pray that through all of this, you are learning how much we all need Jesus (and I think you are). I am prayerful and hopeful that he is working in your heart, even now at this young age, to draw you to Himself. I can't believe that you are almost two, and a part of my heart aches when I think about how big you are getting, and know that I am "missing" moments I wish I wasn't. But at the same time, I know that all of this is a good good thing, and I am seeing fruit from it, in your life and mine. And I am thankful I still get to hear you say "mommy I want you" and rock you before bed and naps every day, those are some of my most favorite moments. You are such a joy to me precious girl, I am so grateful I have a daughter, and that it is YOU. I love you fiercely.
Brandt, my littlest love, oh how I adore you. You are just so sweet, so cuddly, so precious in EVERY single way...I just want to eat you up. You too have been such a trooper coming into this family as the third baby, and being patient with mommy as she helps your older siblings. I feel sad, and guilty sometimes knowing that I haven't been able to hold you as much as I would like to, or to devote the attention I would want to, to JUST YOU. But then again, I am reminded that the Lord planned for you to be our third, and that you get things the other two didn't get, like a big brother and sister who adore you and entertain you...most of the time ;). And I pray that he will use the patience you will have to develop as our third, as a tool to see how much you need Him and to bring you to Him one day. You are growing so fast, and as exciting as that is, to watch you develop and change, there is a part of this mommy's heart that is sad, that is already missing the tiny newborness that was you just six short weeks ago. But I am loving seeing your little personality start to develop. I love everything about you sweet boy, and please know that even though I can't hold you all day, or spend hours just gazing into your blue eyes and smiley face, that you are treasured, and cherished more than you will ever know.
I know I will look back one day, on this crazy season of life, and smile, and miss even the chaos of it all. I know that in the blink of an eye you littles won't be so little anymore, someone please freeze time. So I pray that I will cherish every moment I get with each of you, individually and as my trio, and that you will know that I'll love you forever, I'll love you for always, forever and always my babies you'll be.
No comments:
Post a Comment