I thought being pregnant for the second time would be SO very different. Although there are differences, such as the way I feel, or how fast it is going, I still find myself struggling with similar things this time around.
When I held my precious little bundle of joy that January afternoon I was in awe of our Creator and how amazing He truly is. For He had created this little life, grew it and sustained it inside of my womb-it was an absolute miracle. And at that very moment I was reminded of the fact that I had no control over this little life, it was simply a gift of His grace. For Psalm 139 taught me that it was He who formed the life in my womb, and it is also He who has written each person's days.
No matter how many times I look on google to see if what I am experiencing is normal, how many rules I follow, or how careful I am to ensure that this little one is growing properly, changes the reality that HE is the One forming this life and in control of its days, not me. I have to trust Him, for He IS good ALL the time. I have to believe that His care and love and concern for this little life inside of me, far outweighs my love for it. I have to trust my Lord.
When I was pregnant with Brayden, he was constantly on my mind. Every twinge, ache, or "weird" feeling I experienced was new, and with many of those experiences came questions, fear of the unknown, and worry. I tried to follow most of the "rules" of pregnancy, like staying away from caffeine, and hot tubs, and sushi. I read all the books. I wondered if what I was feeling was "normal", I wondered if the baby was okay (especially before I could feel him during that first trimester), and I found myself searching google for "is __________ typical during pregnancy" countless times during my pregnancy. Through it all, I learned many lessons in faith and found myself humbled by the sustaining grace of the Lord and the reality of Psalm 139:13 "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb."
When I held my precious little bundle of joy that January afternoon I was in awe of our Creator and how amazing He truly is. For He had created this little life, grew it and sustained it inside of my womb-it was an absolute miracle. And at that very moment I was reminded of the fact that I had no control over this little life, it was simply a gift of His grace. For Psalm 139 taught me that it was He who formed the life in my womb, and it is also He who has written each person's days.
Being pregnant that first time was stretching and good-it grew me in my faith and my dependence upon our good and faithful God. And for that I was thankful.
I assumed, wrongly, that after being pregnant, and learning those "lessons", that when baby #2 came around, I would be much more faithful. But the opposite is true. I find myself exhibiting faithlessness often, faced with different and similar struggles. Because each pregnancy is different, so is the sanctification you receive from the Lord. He is quick to remind me through pregnancy of my ZERO control over all things and of my desperate need for His grace and growing faith.
No matter how many times I look on google to see if what I am experiencing is normal, how many rules I follow, or how careful I am to ensure that this little one is growing properly, changes the reality that HE is the One forming this life and in control of its days, not me. I have to trust Him, for He IS good ALL the time. I have to believe that His care and love and concern for this little life inside of me, far outweighs my love for it. I have to trust my Lord.
I am thankful for pregnancy, the hard days and the blissful ones because in and through it all, I am reminded of His love, and care, and goodness for His beloved as He sanctifies me continually each step of the way.
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